Wisconsin parents who are new to co-parenting may find that creating a holiday placement schedule can quickly become complicated. Although you and your co-parent might agree on a standard placement schedule and have an amicable relationship, planning a holiday schedule can sometimes cause disagreements.
One of the best ways to reduce conflict over the holidays is to be proactive and start planning a holiday placement schedule sooner rather than later.
It can be easy to overlook holidays when you are in the middle of negotiating or resolving a regular placement schedule. Remembering to address holidays can save you future stress and frustration that often comes with trying to figure out a holiday schedule at the last minute.
Common holiday placement schedules
Wisconsin law requires that a placement schedule allow each parent regular, meaningful periods of placement with each parent. There are some standard placement schedules that co-parents follow for the holidays.
You can alternate years, with one of you having placement on certain holidays in even-numbered years and the other having placement on those holidays in odd-numbered years.
Another option is both of you having each holiday every year and splitting it into two parts, with the children spending the morning and early afternoon with one of you and the late afternoon and evening with the other. This holiday schedule works best when the two of you live close to each other. Some parents elect to split up longer breaks for Christmas/New Years and Spring Break.
Sometimes certain holidays mean more to one parent than the other. For example, perhaps your family always has a huge, day-long Thanksgiving celebration while your co-parents family has a small, short meal or does not celebrate the holiday at all.
You and your co-parent are always free to arrange your own schedule based on the situation. In the above example, you might agree that the children are always with you on Thanksgiving due to the difference in family traditions.
Leave the children out of holiday planning
Do not involve the children in planning your holiday placement schedule. This puts pressure on them and can leave them feeling guilty about choosing one parent over the other. Its always a good idea to check your children’s school district calendar to see what days the children generally have off.
Understand that negotiating a holiday schedule is necessarily going to involve some type of compromise on both sides. In most situations, you must accept that you are not going to be able to spend all day and night of every holiday with your children.
Once your holiday schedule is in place, create a healthy balance between being flexible but predictable. Try to avoid requesting changes to the schedule unless it is something extremely important that is likely to only happen once.
An example would be if a family member your children are close to is ill and it may be your children’s last holiday season with them. Changing the schedule to allow the children to spend more time with them would be appropriate. However, requesting a change so you can have a couple more hours to go ice skating might not be.
If it is your co-parent requesting a change to the holiday schedule, stick to these same guidelines. Consider the reason for the change. If it is so the children do not miss out on a special or once in a lifetime event, it is probably best to allow modification.
Put aside your own negative emotions
Never say no simply out of spite. Remember that the holiday season means everyone’s schedules and routines are off and unexpected events happen.
Communication and respect between co-parents go a long way during the holidays. Remember that the goal is to make sure your children are left with good holiday memories, not memories of their parents fighting or arguing over schedules.