For many Wisconsinites, divorce is a heated process that bombards them with overwhelming conflict. To a certain extent, some conflict is understandable given the stakes involved. The outcome of your marriage dissolution can dictate each party’s financial positioning in their post-divorce life, and it can specify what your time and relationship with your children will look like.
That said, you don’t have to sit back and allow yourself to be attacked by contentious statements that have no merit. Shutting down aggressive behavior can be tough, though, especially if your spouse is a habitual liar. In those circumstances, it can be hard to set the record straight, in turn threatening your ability to get where you want to go in your divorce proceedings.
So, what can you do to make your divorce from an antagonistic, lying spouse easier?
Tips for getting through a divorce form a liar
Although it can feel like it’s impossible to get ahead in your divorce when your spouse lies about everything, there are steps you can take to ensure the truth comes out and your future is protected. Here are some of them:
- Have contradictory evidence: Your lying spouse might make bold assertions that have no basis in fact, but you can contradict them with concrete evidence. Financial records, mental health records, and even written statements from witnesses can help you here, and they can give you strong evidence to work with at the negotiation table and in court.
- Get everything in writing: Since your spouse might lie about what they’ve said, it’s a good idea to reduce communications to writing so that you can highlight what was previously said. Avoiding or at least reducing face-to-face contact with your spouse can also decrease the amount of conflict and stress that you experience during your divorce.
- Write in a journal: Dates and times events transpire are important. Journaling can be a great way to cope with the wide array of emotions that you’ll experience during your divorce, but it can also help you document key events, such as statements that your children make and face-to-face interactions with your spouse. You can then refer back to these journal entries when you need to refresh your memory and bring out the truth.
- Gain perspective: It’s easy to take your spouse’s behavior toward you personally. Yet, there’s a fair chance that there’s a reason behind their lying. For some, lying is a form of denial when they’re coping with emotional turmoil. For others, it’s a defense mechanism. If you can figure out why your spouse lies so much, then you might find it easier to deal with them, as their lies, as frustrating as they may be, won’t be as hurtful.
- Don’t play “the game”: Many times this type of spouse will call or text you endlessly to engage in the “blame game”. DO NOT go down that road. Tell them that you will only engage in conversations relevant to the divorce, like the children. If or when your case goes to court, a flurry of unhinged emails from them without you joining in can be powerful evidence, especially if you are fighting for child custody.
- Find an outlet: Regardless of the circumstances of your divorce, your spouse’s behavior is sure to cause frustration, anger, and sadness. You need to find a way to cope with your emotions so that they don’t take control of your divorce. With that in mind, it might be a good idea to attend counseling or find some other outlet that helps you center and retain control of your circumstances.
Take control of your divorce
When your spouse lies all the time, it’s easy to feel like things are spinning out of control. But you can shoot those feelings down by crafting a well thought out divorce strategy early on in your case. This will require some work and time, but given that your future is on the line, you owe it to yourself and your children to put forth the effort. If you’d like to learn more about what that would look like, then please continue to read our website and our blog.